Fixed this.
A couple of weeks ago I swapped the shifter base bushings. They helped with the slop a lot, but some was still present, and more if I used the shorter shaft as pictured above.
After lots of digging, I came across a post on AdChat (I think the one about converting a 6 speed with all OEM parts) that briefly mentioned a brass bushing in the selector shaft housing, and some aftermarket selector shafts were too short to stay in the bushing, so the bushing would need to be tapped further into the housing to make everything work nice. Knowing this was gonna suck to do in the engine bay, I popped the freeze plug out of my old C60, which gave me a similar issue but "improved" over time, and got an idea with what I am working with.
The bushing.... And my "improvement" to it when the selector shaft unseated/reseated itself.
More evidence of "improvement"
Came up with a tool for the job...
Then went on to remove my extremely difficult to install airbox, jack up the car, unbolt the SMT selector blockoff plate, chisel it free, remove the selector shaft seal that was in my way, and finally see the culprit.
This was with the car in first. Work space wasn't too bad, but still not great. This job would've been much easier to complete *before* the trans was in the car. Tap tap tap....
Proof the selector shaft falls out of the bushing when in reverse. Furiously jiggle back to first gear, tap tap tap...
Ended up with the bushing flush to selector in first gear. Still occasionally hangs when I go for reverse. So I had to leave it in reverse (or pull the shaft, but I wanted it there as a reference) and gently tap until the shaft reseated in the bushing and I got the bushing to move another 1/4"...
Ridiculously crappy final result shot, in reverse gear.
I can now engage all gears smoothly with no hangups anywhere. The first shaft that was in this transmission didn't hangup and was extra sloppy because it was too short to even reach this bushing to begin with. Many self congratulations and celebratory beers were had. After years of attempts, this is the first time in my life I have successfully fixed a transmission issue with a hammer.
During my research I found a picture of the OEM Spyder 6 speed shaft near (but not right next too, that would be too convenient) a tape measure and by estimations it is ~27.5cm long. The shaft I had in hand was a mere 26.6cm long. (Insert joke here). Hate when that happens.
I believe the slop became more evident to me switching from 5 to 6 speed because the gates are much narrower. Later I will be removing the selector shaft again to swap to a firmer set of springs, reinstalling the reverse blockout, and making sure I haven't nearly sent the bushing I moved out of its housing all together.
Note, this isn't an issue related specifically to SMT anymore, but 6 speed conversion in general.
Hopefully no one else runs into this issue, but if you do, I hope this helps.